Faking an orgasm is when a person pretends to reach climax during sexual activity through vocalisation, heavy breathing and tensing the body. The need to fake orgasms has been attributed to the desire to end sexual activity or societal pressure to orgasm during every sexual encounter. However, an orgasm shouldn’t be seen as the necessary ‘end’ of sexual activity. In fact, many people enjoy sex without the need to reach climax.
The statistics on women faking orgasms is far higher than men, which many experts believe is due to the lack of knowledge around the female body and desire. For example, around 80% of women are unable to reach orgasm through penetrative sex. On average, women fake 39 orgasms a year [1], and 1 in 10 women fake orgasms in 50% of their sexual encounters [2]. On the other hand, due to the clitoris’s 10,000 nerve endings, 80% of heterosexual women and 90% of homosexual women report orgasming from clitoral stimulation [3]. Despite the far higher rates of women orgasming from oral sex, only 44% of women reported receiving oral sex [4]. Our society’s idea of sex focuses on how men reach orgasm and what they find pleasurable, mainly penetrative sex ending in male ejaculation.
Although it’s mostly associated with women, around 25% of men reported having at least once faked an orgasm [5]. There are many different factors that can prevent an orgasm during sex which can lead to a man feeling like he needs to pretend to orgasm to end sexual activity. Moreover, everyone’s sexual appetites are different, not all men find penetrative sex the best way to feel pleasure or reach orgasm.
If the goal is to reach climax, then pretending can actually reduce the chances. Concentrating on giving a convincing performance means the focus isn’t on your bodily sensations. To climax, you need to be fully present and focused on what your body is feeling. By putting the focus elsewhere, it can actually reduce the chances of having an orgasm. Furthermore, by faking bodily responses, your partner won’t know what you really find pleasurable. The best way to regularly reach orgasm or just find sexual activity more pleasurable (because enjoyable sex doesn’t require an orgasm), is to respond naturally to what you find pleasurable so your partner knows to focus on those areas. For example, women have 7 erogenous zones (areas that create sexual feelings) that include lips, neck, ear lobes, breasts/nipples, inner thighs, bum and genitals (the whole area including the clitoris, vulva and vagina).
So if you have been faking orgasms, how can you stop? There are two approaches to stopping faking orgasms, either telling your partner that you have been faking orgasms or slowly phasing out faking orgasms. By doing so, your sex life will improve and you’ll be able to reach climax more regularly. Although the idea of telling a partner is daunting, it allows you both to discover what you truly find pleasurable.
Although reaching orgasms is a pleasurable experience, it shouldn’t always be the end goal. In fact, by taking your focus off orgasms, you can discover lots of different feelings and sensations that give you pleasure. It can also encourage easier orgasms, as once your focus is off orgasms, they’ll come more naturally.
- https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/often-partner-faking-research-shows-041220814.html
- https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/health/how-often-women-fake-orgasm-26407832
- https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/yes-yes-yes-the-techniques-that-boost-chances-of-female-orgasm-1.2987790
- https://www.glamour.com/story/oral-sex-men-woman
- https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/reasons-you-should-never-fake-orgasm/